found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
