i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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