my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize