We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was born a porn star she said
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
