worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
