yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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