I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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