I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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