I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
BRING THE BAGELS
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
