You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
