Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
