All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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