I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
