covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
