I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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