So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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