I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
