We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
