The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
