It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
