Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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