dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
