With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
