That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
