Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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