I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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