i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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