Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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