tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
