By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
