I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
