so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
