oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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