I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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