think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
