So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
