I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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