Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this boner is exhausting
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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