I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
