Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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