I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
