Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am full of burrito and curiosity
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
