That's when you crack a 10am beer
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize