Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize