Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
