i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
