he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
