he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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