My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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