I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
