Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
