he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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