This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
