just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize