Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize