she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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