sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
