so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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