i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
