I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
