Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
