There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize