His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
