i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize