I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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