i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
