Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you inspire me to be a worse person
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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