you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize