I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
