Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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