my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
