I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
