I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
