You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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