one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
