i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
