I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
