Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
