I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
