Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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