I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You were trust falling into bushes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
