i permit you to call me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I skipped work to stalk him.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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