so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
well you can't waste a boner
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
