Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
