So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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