She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
