When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
