Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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