oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize