he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
