Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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