I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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