Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Quick, to the slutcave!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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