Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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