My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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