I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
