a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
