So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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