I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
