he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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