sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
