either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
