he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
