I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
