The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
