FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
this hospital has no fireball
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
