Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
